its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
