Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Even my vagina gasped.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
