He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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