i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
