My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
