Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
