i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
