How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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