i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
