So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
