shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
