why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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