I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
