I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
