Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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