you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
