If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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