Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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