I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
