I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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