I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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