shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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