Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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