I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
