; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
