is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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