i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
