everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Vodka?
Forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
