this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
