My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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