R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
