Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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