my mouth tastes like poor choices
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
