When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
