Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
