We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
