Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
