He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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