we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
