i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
