I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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