she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
