I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
