the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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