Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
