Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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