Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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