Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
