i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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