It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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