Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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