just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it because I queefed?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm like, not good at living.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
