i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
