I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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